Jacinta: Hello and Welcome to Two Hearts True Healing! I am your host Jacinta Wick and with me is co-host Angela Stansell. This is Season Four Episode 13: The Battleground of the Mind and the 14 Rules of St. Ignatius Rule 13: Lover of my Soul. Last episode we talked about St. Ignatius using metaphor to speak of how the enemy acts to tempt us from the path like a spoiled child or a woman who is not content. We will continue to examine another aspect of the enemy’s wiles to turn us aside from the path. Angela can you read for us the rule?
Angela: Yes, and Happy Easter! Here’s Rule 13: “Likewise, he conducts himself as a false lover in wishing to remain secret and not be revealed. For a dissolute man who, speaking with evil intention, makes dishonorable advances to a daughter of a good father or to a wife of a good husband, wishes his words and persuasions to be secret, and the contrary displeases him very much, when the daughter reveals to her father or the wife to her husband his false words and depraved intention, because he easily perceives that he will not be able to succeed with the undertaking begun. In the same way, when the enemy of human nature brings his wiles and persuasions to the just soul, he wishes and desires that they be received and kept in secret; but when one reveals them to one’s good confessor or to another spiritual person, who knows his deceits and malicious designs, it weighs on him very much, because he perceives that he will not be able to succeed with the malicious undertaking that has begun, since his manifest deceits have been revealed.”
Jacinta: Again, in this rule, St. Ignatius is not speaking of a normal lover. He is using metaphor to speak of a lustful, creepy, sex-offender type. During this episode we will show you the difference of voices and what exactly St. Ignatius means and doesn’t mean. Angela, can you describe for us how the enemy is like a false lover?
Angela: The enemy is essentially weak. It reminds me of the character Kaa in The Jungle Book. The Disney version has a scene where Kaa, a snake, has this hypnotic quality. At one point, he and Mowgli are up in the cover of a tree. Kaa is slowly encircling Mowgli, who is trying to fight the hypnotic eye contact while Kaa is saying, “Trust in me…just in me…” That’s what Satan wants to do. He wants to isolate us. It’s sort of a divide-and-conquer tactic. He wants to create an environment that’s supposed to be for forms of healthy spiritual intimacy, and plants seeds of doubt and unrest deep within us. As Jacinta mentioned, it’s like grooming behavior. In fact, I would go so far as to say that the typical strategies used by sexual abusers come from Satan. This is why much of the advice for adults and children alike is to do things out in the open.
Ignatius tells us that we make this stop by finding an appropriate person to talk to. It’s like being out in public somewhere— “SECURITY!” That person will back off immediately. So we have to be aware in the first place that the enemy will play off of whatever insecurities we have. I’ll give a couple of examples of what that can sound like and look like, but first I’m going to cover three parts of Rule 13: What are the signs that the enemy is trying to keep us from seeking counsel? From what type of person should or shouldn’t we seek counsel from? What information should we share?
Some signs that the devil is trying to get you to keep his lies a secret might sound like, “You’re too busy to make time to talk to someone, and so are they. It’s not important, and in fact, neither are you. If you tell them what’s going on, they can’t possibly understand you. They’ll just laugh at how weak you are.” Another sign might be that you keep trying to connect with someone yet hesitate and miss the opportunity.
So who do we talk to? Not just anyone. It needs to be someone who is already familiar with the tactics of the enemy. If you go to the wrong person, they either won’t be able to help or can actually make things worse. Someone can be a sincere person of faith, but this is not enough. We’ve been using the book The Discernment of Spirits by Fr. Timothy Gallagher throughout this season. He writes on p. 162 of his book that the sort of person we should talk to “might include suitably trained spiritual directors, retreat directors, spiritually experienced clergy, religious and lay people, a spiritual friend, and similar persons.” He goes on to say that “to such persons, the deceptive ways of the enemy will indeed be ‘manifest,’ as Ignatius says in…rule 13.”
If there’s someone we trust with non-spiritual troubles but have discerned that they might not be able to help with your spiritual situation, I would say to do two things. Number one, don’t stop there. Find a person you can talk to. Number two, you can still ask that person of faith to pray for you. Christian brothers and sisters walking with us in faith can still be supportive in that way.
So what information do we share? I’ve heard of a priest once saying to a person in duress, “I’m not a psychologist.” The line needs to be drawn. While Christian therapists can help us see our lives through a Christian lense, therapy is not spiritual direction. So we need not share every non-spiritual pain point. What we want to do is verbalize to the person the thoughts and feelings that are related to our spiritual state. “I’m starting to think I should quit. I’m feeling so low and restless about it.” Things like that.
If you’re someone who is uncomfortable talking about any form of struggle, know that as long as you are sincerely seeking help, guidance, counsel– This is not fruitless complaining. If you’ve never really experienced being listened to in a respectful and validating way by another person– maybe you grew up in an environment where you just don’t talk about it, or around people who jump in to solve without recognizing your autonomy, then I invite you, the next time you become aware that the enemy is trying to isolate you in your spiritual desolation, to take a step towards the person God has prepared for you. Reach out to that person and you will experience what it’s like to receive loving, respectful, God-honoring counsel. If He’s allowing you to go through spiritual desolation and He’s allowing you to be tempted to keep Satan’s lies a secret, He’s also going to provide for you a way out, that is, an appropriate person to talk to.
So seeking counsel in this situation is not some kind of unChristian self pity. Not at all. If we are open to counsel, we are addressing our spiritual struggles constructively and not just dwelling on them. What would be unhelpful is to respond to the advice with excuses. Now, you may find a sense of unease or frustration if you’re talking to the wrong person. When we go to the right sort of person, however, this brave act ends our isolation and allows God to shed light where there was the darkness of confusion, fear, doubt, and weakness.
I have three examples for you, two from Discernment of Spirits and one I’ve experienced personally. St. Therese of Lieseux, one of the most well known Catholic saints, knew she wanted to be a nun since she was a child. Amazingly, she experienced “cold feet” before taking her vows! The enemy told her, in summary, You don’t want to do that. Stop misleading your superiors. You don’t even have a vocation.
She believed that telling her Novice Mistress about her doubt would mean not entering the order after all, which she really wanted to do. So she was tempted to keep these doubts quiet. However, with bravery and humility, she expressed her state, and as soon as she had finished, all doubt left her. One of the things the devil may have known was how powerful St. Therese’s contributions to the Church would some day be. So, following the rules of discernment, she was aware that something spiritual was happening, then began to understand what it was, and took action.
On pages 166 and 167, Fr. Gallagher points out that the gap, the difference, between reality and what the enemy suggests is so great, that it reveals the enemy, who often wants to remain hidden. St. Therese goes on to also tell the Mother Prioress, who in fact does laugh! But not in a way that ridicules. More as an expression of how ridiculous the devil is. The Mother Prioress is simply unafraid of the enemy, who is a coward and essentially weak. St. Therese does not feel belittled by this but rather continues towards the day of her vows in peace. She chooses to “out” the devil’s lies a second time, not because she doubts the response of the first person, but because she knows that leaning in the opposite direction of Satan’s temptations forces him to give up and leave.
On p. 167, the author points out that if St. Therese hadn’t responded the way she did, she may not have taken her vows or may have taken them in a state of desolation. If that had happened, she may have had a memory of uncertainty connected with the start of her vocation, which could have planted future seeds of doubt for times when, inevitably, her vocation felt especially difficult. But she avoids this and has a beautiful memory of surrendering to her Savior in a state of consolation on that day.
Another example Fr. Gallagher includes in his book is one from Thomas Merton, who became a Trappist monk in the 1940’s. Again, we have someone whose religious vows are close at hand. He sits with doubt for months, actually. And then one day he does something about it. From pages 169 and 170:
Finally, on the Thursday of that week, in the evening, I suddenly found myself filled with a vivid conviction:
“The time has come for me to go and be a Trappist…”
And yet, in the way, stood hesitation: that old business. But now there could be no more delaying. I must finish with that, once and for all, and get an answer. I must talk to somebody who would settle it. It could be done in five minutes. And now was the time. Now.
Whom should I ask? Father Philotheus was probably in his room downstairs. I went downstairs, and out into the court. Yes, there was a light in Father Philotheus’ room. All right. Go in and see what he has to say.
But instead of that, I bolted out into the darkness and made for the grove…
In the silence of the grove my feet were loud on the gravel. I walked and prayed. It was very, very dark by the shrine of the Little Flower. “For Heaven’s sake, help me!” I said.
I started back toward the buildings. “All right. Now I am really going to go in there and ask him. Here’s the situation, Father. What do you think? Should I go and be a Trappist?”
There was still a light in Father Philothes’ room. I walked bravely into the hall, but when I got within about six feet of his door it was as if someone had stopped me and held me where I was with physical hands. Something jammed in my will. I couldn’t walk a step further, even though I wanted to. I made a kind of push at the obstacle…and then turned around and ran out of the place once more.
Again I headed for the grove…My feet were loud on the gravel. I was in the silence of the grove, among wet trees.
I don’t think there was ever a moment in my life when my soul felt so urgent and so special an anguish.
Fr. Gallagher summarizes, “After intense prayer, alone in the darkness of the evening, Merton gained the courage to return to buildings, ‘going the long way ‘round, past the shrine of Our Lady of Lourdes and the far end of the football field,’ and was ready to try yet again.” Merton writes:
When I came into the courtyard, I saw that the light in Father Philotheus’ room was out…My heart sank.
Yet there was one hope. I went right on through the door and into the corridor, and turned to the Friars’ common room. I had never even gone near that door before. I had never dared. But now I went up and knocked on the glass panel and opened the door and looked inside.
There was nobody there except one Friar alone, Father Philotheus.
I asked if I could speak with him and we went to his room. That was the end of all my anxiety, all my hesitation.
As soon as I proposed all my hesitations and questions to him, Father Philotheus said that he could see no reason why I shouldn’t want to enter a monastery and become a priest.
It may seem irrational, but at that moment, it was as if scales fell off my own eyes, and looking back on all my worries and questions, I could see clearly how empty and futile they had been…Accident and circumstances had all contributed to exaggerate and distort things in my mind. But now everything was straight again. And already I was full of peace and reassurance–the consciousness that everything was right and that a straight road had opened out, clear and smooth, ahead of me…
I went upstairs like somebody who had been called back from the dead. Never had I experienced the calm, untroubled peace and certainty that filled my heart.
What indecision, hesitation, overthinking! I think there’s a fairly common experience when going to Confession sometimes. While St. Ignatius is referring to spiritual desolation needing to be brought to light, Satan also wants to use our own sinful choices against us in much the same way. The experience is that a person decides they need to go to Confession. Maybe it can’t wait until the normal time for that person, if you have a routine or your parish has set days and times. So you look for an unfamiliar time and place, and the thoughts go something like “You can’t even find the line for Confession. You’re distracting all the ‘regulars’ from their prayer. They’re prepared and deserve to be here. Who do you think you are, taking up someone else’s chance to confess their sins? The priest is going to be annoyed; he needs to finish up and move on with the rest of his commitments for the day. Look at how small and stupid you are. If you hadn’t committed your sin in the first place, you wouldn’t even be here inconveniencing everyone.” Meanwhile, all of Heaven is cheering you on! Your guardian angel is joyfully escorting you to the confessional, much to the chagrin of the Evil One. The priest lovingly just wants you to be free; your Heavenly Father, with open arms, says “just come home.” That’s the reality.
Jacinta: So we see how the enemy likes to wile. He likes to disrupt. To put us in agitation and keep us there instead of at peace. He pushes to keep us discouraged and in the dark, but the True Lover of our soul sets us free. It is in relation to our faith and humility and cooperation that He can act. We have a Lover that has no self protection barrier or crutch behaviors or a boundary but gave/gives Himself freely on the Cross and in the Eucharist.The enemy is the complete opposite and likes to make us think we are alone and not capable of carrying any burden or joy or doing any calling. He says, “see you can’t do X…how do you expect to be able to be a good mom (dad, young adult, priest, religious, daughter, son). You can’t.” “Don’t tell anyone about this struggle…they will just confirm your worst fears…you can’t do it, and they will think the worst of you.”
It is important to make a distinction here. Certainly it is freeing to tell our struggles to our close friends. And by all means! We need to do this. It helps us feel seen and empowered to make the right decisions. But this is not what St. Ignatius is talking about. He is talking about specifically who to talk to when we find ourselves in spiritual turmoil. It is to a person who knows the wiles of the enemy like a priest in the confessional or a spiritual director or superior in community or someone who is especially knowledgeable in how the enemy works. This is where awareness comes in and understanding. Is our experience the normal ups and downs of life? Is it spiritual or nonspiritual? Psychological or physical? When does it happen? (like am I about to make an important life decision or do something holy?) These types of things help us determine who to talk to. We can’t just tell anyone no matter how holy or righteous. Specific struggles call for specific solutions. Not everyone is qualified to help us arrive at these solutions, though each of us has unique contributions to make in helping each other in the pursuit of holiness. Knowing this distinction is a part of spiritual maturity and discernment. The next step would be acting on this knowledge. Fr. Gallagher gives some excellent examples in this chapter that illustrate this meaning. What is a scripture to reinforce this? “Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and he will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you men of double mind. Humble yourselves before the Lord and he will exalt you.” – James 4:7-8, 10
Bringing things to the light always heals. Does it feel good when we have to humble ourselves and bring ourselves to this specific person? Sometimes, but it isn’t until after we have shared the struggle. It should dispel our doubts and bring us peace and assurance but getting there is the hardest. We may be feeling less inclined to share and it costs us something. But that doesn’t mean we don’t do it because of this. It’s like tearing off a bandage.This is where courage and humility come in. The unique thing is when we do bring things to the light, we feel peace and assurance. It is this peace and assurance that must guide us. Choosing from desolation, as we talked of earlier, brings damage. Acting from deprivation wounds, and acting from love heals. Where do we turn in desolation? To the Lord, in prayer, who is the Lover of my Soul. We turn to the Trinity who is ineffable love. “The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good tidings to the afflicted; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor, and the day of vengeance of our God; to comfort all who mourn; to grant to those who mourn in Zion— to give them a garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.” – Isaiah 61:1-3
The spirit of the Lord is with us and within us. We are not alone, and we each are called in a unique way to love. To be the voice and hands of love. We each are loved, and each of us are called to be God’s hands. You never will know, till heaven, how much one small act of love can make a difference in someone’s life. Also having the courage to open our wounds and doubts to one qualified to know how to help will also make that same difference.
If you have prayer intentions you can contact us at prayer@twoheartstruehealing.com. Or if you have more general comments or inquiries we would love to hear from you at twoheartstruehealing@outlook.com Thank You for joining us for this episode. Stay tuned for further developments. You can connect with us at anytime on facebook or Substack or on our website at www.twoheartstruehealing.com
Until next time, go with God!