Sometimes people like to label women as sensitive. It is easy to be offended by this, but really we should be thanking them for the complement. Us women need to feel. We need to experience the sufferings of those around us. Just like Mary, we help to carry people in their suffering and accompany them. This is at the heart of women. Creating space for life, whether in our wombs or in our homes and communities; creating that space to be loved and valued and cared for.
That means that we need to learn how to establish boundaries based on the situation. What do I mean by that? Would sheltering enable or assist? Would it be better to assist by action or by prayer or by both? When will a “hands off” mentality actually serve even better than swooping in? If we swoop in all the time, then the cushion we have created stifles and does not allow others to learn by experience which is very valuable. But we do need mercy. A place to come back to. Our hearts must be a home to dwell in and find security in, amidst the storms of life. Sometimes our emotions can be a storm. Women have very big hearts and can be criticized for displaying this emotion. My question is why? Why must we be forced to take it like a man and move on? No! Feelings are sails to help us and move us to the proper action. They are not meant to be bottled up but experienced and journeyed through.
This is where the inner voice comes in. What is it telling us? “You are not good enough!” “You aren’t helping anything!” “You aren’t doing enough!” Hmm. Wouldn’t, “I am loved,” “I am enough through Him who strengthens me,” “Sufficient for a day is its own trials,” better help your mind and quiet the storm? We also need a moral compass, our conscience, to educate our intellects to direct our will. Is what is before us a grave matter? Would it cause more harm to not tend to it? Or is it not so serious? Would it be better to learn by letting those we love to experience failure? Let me give you a spectrum to help you understand what I am saying. Is it more serious to be drunk or just a little giddy? Is it more serious to cling to passing pleasures or to be detached and thankful for God’s gifts? Would it be better for a natural consequence, and letting people experience the consequence of their actions, or swooping in so that they don’t have a real sense of reality?
There is a time for swooping, and a time for battling but there is also a time to create a space of silence and peace so that others can discern for themselves. Loving hearts always expand and learn how to bear sufferings patiently. There is always strength to draw from for one more step. God is compassionate and merciful. The only things that are unforgivable are the things we refuse to forgive and repent from or accept God’s forgiveness in. But we do have to learn how to label our battles and name them. These battles are not just in flesh and blood but also in the spiritual realm. Self-condemnation, illness, unforgiveness, financial ruin, anxiety are also spirits that need to be gotten rid of in the precious blood of Jesus. “I refuse, renounce, reject the spirit of self-condemnation in the name of Jesus Christ and by His precious blood to go to the foot of the cross or to the nearest Tabernacle to be dealt with. I ask for a healthy sense of self-acceptance or love to fill its place.”
Sometimes we act out of anxiety and fight and flight mode versus in the peace of Christ. It is only a matter of time before that catches up with us and makes the stress worse. When we find ourselves there, it is a good time for a walk or a workout to try and physically get rid of cortisol so that God can flood us with dopamine and serotonin. We need to learn how to rest. To quiet those places of fear so that we can act from a place of trust. Sometimes that is easier said than done. It is hard to take every thought captive and turn it in, to Christ. It is hard to find peace when we are in the midst of something. Here are three questions to ask ourselves when we are finding ourselves in a storm. 1)Is it a logical or condemning voice? 2) Is it fear or trust? 3)Is the space coming from love or unhealthy self-love (selfishness)?
It is the human experience to experience hardship but it is the mark of a saint to allow it to strengthen our muscles. That is exactly what trials are meant to do. We know it is successful when we find ourselves running to Jesus and Mary versus strong-arming it which only makes it worse. We need to ask ourselves, what brings us peace? What feels right based on the information you have? We have to look at failure as stepping stones that bring us closer to Jesus and Mary. God will help us if we let Him.